Why Nothing Anyone Says About You Is Actually About You
If you think about it, the reason for the vast majority of upsets in relationships and almost every part of life, comes down to one cause: you take things personally.
Taking something personally basically means that you’re letting someone else tell you who you are, that whatever is said is because of who you are as a person.
For example, your co-worker says “Wow you are so stupid”, if you were to agree with this statement and start feeling like you really are stupid then you just chose to take it personally. If your boyfriend/girlfriend says “I hate you”, you might start to think that you must be bad person, that it’s all your fault that they hate you.
But you see, taking things personally is actually the maximum expression of selfishness, because it makes the assumption that it’s all about “me”.
We should always remember that every single person lives in their own mind, in their own world created based off their own experiences and beliefs - which are entirely different from yours.
What others say about you has nothing to do with you, it is is because of themselves. Even if someone insults you directly saying “You are so ugly”, it has nothing to do with you...the truth is that person is dealing with their own feelings, beliefs and opinions.
They have a certain perception of the world based on whatever they have seen and been through, which in no way defines you.
The truth is we don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are. Take nothing anything else says personally. Whatever others feel and think is their problem, not your problem.
Even compliments you shouldn’t take personally. Someone may really mean it when they say “Wow you’re the best!”, but don’t let your self-esteem depend solely on other’s opinions.
You know that when things are going well and people are happy they will say “I love you!”, and the next day if they’re mad they will say “I hate you!”. Recognize that these are merely expressions of issues they are dealing with and not a true reflection of who you are.
That isn’t to say you shouldn’t appreciate compliments or listen to criticism, the key here is that you don’t NEED anyone else’s compliments or approval to feel happy, because you know who you are.
Someone may tell you “Hey what you say is offending me!”. But is it truly what you say in itself that’s offensive? No, people get offended because they have some insecurity or fear that is touched by those words.
How could you possible be hurt by what others say when you are perfectly at peace with yourself?
Someone can yell all the most hurtful and rude insults at me in front of my face and I will literally be unfazed...in fact, I’d probably start laughing. Why? Because I know that it’s not true and I know what I am, so what is it to me what others say?
Of course, this doesn't mean you can be disrespectful to others, but you can only be hurt if you agree and allow it to hurt you!
From now on always be asking yourself, am I taking this personally?